Green Eyes
by shippershape
Summary: The first time Kirsten ever tells him she loves him, she's leaving him.


The first time Kirsten ever tells him she loves him, she's leaving him.

"You deserve someone who can make you happy." She says, packing her things. "You deserve someone who really understands you."

He tells her she does make him happy, he tells her she's everything he wants, but in the end it doesn't matter. She's gone.

The next few weeks are hard. He has to see her at work, she's everywhere, literally, and that only makes it painfully obvious that he'll never get over her. He misses waking up to her, falling asleep with her. He misses the way she makes the coffee wrong every morning and then blames it on the machine. God, he loves her. He doesn't understand.

The night before she left him they'd gone to his sister's for dinner. Sarah was pregnant. It was a big night. He's beginning to wonder if his comment about wanting kids had something to do with all this. Maybe she doesn't want kids. Maybe she just isn't ready. He didn't mean he wanted kids right now. He tries to talk to her, but she's Kirsten. She tells him she's already over it. He doesn't want to believe her, but he kind of does. So he tucks his broken heart back into his chest and settles for making sure nothing happens to her at work.

A few weeks later, she says she wants to talk to him. He thinks maybe she wants to get back together. He's wrong.

"You should start dating." Is what she says. His heart breaks all over again. "Maybe you should call Janice." She suggests. He's never wanted to do anything less. He does, though.

That night is a bad one. Kirsten and Cameron go to Sarah's for dinner. Kirsten watches Cameron's eyes light up when his sister announces the pregnancy. He's over the moon. He loves kids. She feels a pain that can't really be described when Cameron voices his desire for at least two. It takes everything in her not to flee right then and there.

She tells him she loves him when they get home. Then she breaks up with him. He's confused, and hurt, and she knows she's doing this all wrong. It's the right thing, though. He wants children. She can't have any. So she leaves him.

She cries for the first time in years when she shows up on the steps of her old house. Camille still lives there, although technically it's still Kirsten's house even though she's been living with Cameron for the past six months. The brunette answers the door to find a heap of sobbing blonde on the ground. She sets Kirsten up in her old bedroom, and tries to help, but it quickly becomes apparent that there's nothing she can do. So Kirsten lays in bed and cries. She should be over it immediately, but she's not. A lot has changed since she met Cameron.

She knows he isn't over her, he isn't even trying. It's not right, she didn't break up with him so he could be miserable. She broke up with him to give him the future he deserves.

So she tells him he needs to start dating. She suggests Janice. The words burn like acid on her tongue. She feels physically nauseous at the thought. Later, she throws up. It's like her body is rejecting her decision to let him go. It doesn't change her mind.

Six weeks after the breakup, they're working on a case. It's been hard on all of them, especially Kirsten. Three victims in as many days, and she's basically been stitching into someone every 8 hours. She sleeps at the lab, they both do. Her colour begins to go, and he's worried, but she says Ayo has checked her vitals, and they're passable. Passable has to be good enough for him. It isn't.

One minute into the stitch, Ayo shouts at him. Kirsten needs to bounce, something is wrong. He tells her that, but she doesn't answer.

"KIRSTEN!" He shouts. She bounces. Ayo is beside her in a second, thermometer at Kirsten's neck. She doesn't look pleased with the results. Kirsten is shaky climbing down the steps from the fish tank. He's furious.

"When I tell you to bounce, you bounce!" He yells. She nods, stumbling toward the bathroom to change. Ayo follows her. They're gone for a while, and when Kirsten returns she looks different. Her eyes are glazed, unfocused. Ayo looks worried. She singles him out later to talk.

"Kirsten can't stitch into anyone for at least 24 hours. I've already talked to Maggie about it. She needs a break."

Cameron nods. He's fine with that. They probably all need a break.

"Okay." He says.

Kirsten doesn't like being benched. When another victim shows up a few hours later, she shows up in the catsuit. He just shakes his head.

"Doctor's orders." He tells her. She seethes. He offers to drive her home, expecting her to refuse. To his surprise, she accepts.

The car ride is awkward.

"So." She says. "How's Janice?"

He hates this.

"She's good." He mutters. They've been on a few dates, and she's nice, but he isn't ready to be serious about anyone. He still dreams about Kirsten most nights. He's still a wreck.

"That's good." She says. It doesn't sound like she believes it, but he has no reason to suspect she's lying, so he lets it go. When they pull up in front of her house, she hesitates.

"Something wrong, Stretch?" He hasn't called her that in over a month. It feels simultaneously foreign and familiar. There's conflict in her eyes.

"No." She finally decides. Then she's gone.

He's lonely later, so he calls Janice. She breaks up with him. He's beginning to get used to that again.

The next day, Ayo grudgingly clears Kirsten to stitch. Cameron doesn't like it, but it isn't really his call. The stitch is a repeat of the one before. Ayo shouts, Cameron shouts. Kirsten barely manages to make the bounce. She's white as a sheet, and his heart thuds in his chest. Ayo tells her she's benched, indefinitely. The medical tech's hands are all over her, checking her pulse, her temperature. Kirsten shakes her off. She walks shakily towards Cameron. Her eyes are a million miles away. He knows something is wrong, seriously wrong. She stumbles, and he catches her.

"I hope she has your eyes." She says, her own glassy and on him. Then she faints. Ayo is there in an instant, laying her down, bringing in oxygen. Cameron just stares at her unconscious body as the medical staff work around him.

What the hell was that?

Kirsten assumes that everyone feels ill after a breakup. She doesn't mention it to Camille, because what could Camille possibly do? So she eats less, and eats blander, and tries to keep things down. She's exhausted, because of how busy work has been, and because she isn't really eating. She doesn't tell Camille that either.

She can feel when things go south during the stitch. Her heart feels slow and muddy, legs shaking. They shouldn't be shaking, she shouldn't be this tired. She isn't actually walking. All of this is an illusion, none of her muscles are working that hard. But she feels it, like a wave. The exhaustion is overwhelming. Cameron is shouting in her ear to make the bounce. Her hands feel heavy, and it takes all her concentration to punch in her pin code.

Her head swims as she sits up, and the room spins as she makes her way out of the fish tank. Ayo is there, fussing. Cameron yells at her. She's too tired to respond, so she just nods. She would have made the bounce the first time if she could. It isn't until she's unzipping the catsuit in the bathroom she always changes in that she notices Ayo has followed her.

"I'm fine." She says. It's a blatant lie. She isn't sure she's ever been this unwell. Ayo crosses her arms.

"I ran some bloodwork." She says. "We have a centrifuge that can separate and analyze the sample in minutes."

Kirsten frowns.

"Am I sick?" She asks. Ayo presses her lips together.

"You really don't know?" She asks. Kirsten shakes her head. This whole day has been exhausting. She doesn't have the energy for games.

"Ayo." She says. The other woman gestures for her to sit down. She does, anxiety fluttering in her stomach.

"Kirsten, you're pregnant." Ayo says. Her eyes are gentle, they always are. But the words hit her like a train.

"That's impossible." She says.

"It's possible." Ayo insists. "And it's true."

The room is so quiet that Kirsten can hear the fluorescent lights buzzing above them.

"I can't have children." Kirsten finally says. "I've known that since I was fourteen." Ayo frowns.

"Temporal Dysplasia shouldn't affect fertility."

"It doesn't have anything to do with my Temporal Dysplasia." Kirsten says harshly. This is too much, it's something she had never wanted until Cameron, and then she wanted it so badly it nearly cut her in half. She can't have children. That's just her reality. "I had fibroids when I was a teenager. The scarring was severe, the doctor told me I'd never have kids. My cycle has been irregular ever since then, I…"

Ayo looks at her in surprise.

"Kirsten…I'm sure. Maybe he was wrong. Or maybe it's just a one in a million shot. But you're pregnant." Her hand is on Kirsten's leg, and Kirsten stares at it.

"I can't…" She stands, too quickly, and the room spins again. Ayo jumps to her feet, steadying her.

"I know it's a lot to process. Just take some time. Stitching won't hurt the baby, but I'm putting you on bedrest for the next 24 hours. You need to get some sleep." Ayo gives her a sympathetic look. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. Just take some time to think about it." And then she's gone, and Kirsten's alone in the room. It suddenly occurs to her that she's not actually alone. Her hand flies to her stomach, and she brushes her fingers across the still flat surface. There's a person in there.

She has no idea what she's going to do.

She's drinking tea in the breakroom when the next body comes in. She changes automatically into the catsuit, forgetting what Ayo had said. Cameron shakes his head the moment she walks into the lab. She remembers, and then she fumes. Sitting around and drowning in her own emotions is not the way she wants to spend the day. He offers to drive her home. She thinks about that. She needs to tell him. She doesn't know what she's going to do, but she needs to tell him anyways. He looks surprised when she accepts.

There's an earring in the passenger seat of his car. Kirsten realizes that Cameron has a life, now, that he's been seeing Janice, and he's probably happy. Her heart aches in a way that leaves her breathless.

"How's Janice?" She asks him, because maybe she's wrong, maybe this news isn't going to ruin his life. Maybe he's not happy with Janice.

"She's good." He says. He sounds annoyed, like it's none of her business. It isn't, not anymore.

"That's good." She lies through her teeth. She still has to tell him. She hates herself a little.

When they pull up in front of her house, she almost gets up the nerve. He watches her, the way he used to.

"Something wrong, Stretch?" He hasn't called her that in a long time. It hurts, but then everything about this does. She can't do it. He's doing fine without her. She needs to tell him. She can't.

"No." She says. And then she runs.

The next day, she talks Ayo into letting her back into the fish tank. Ayo admits it's not dangerous for the baby, but is worried that Kirsten isn't strong enough to withstand the mental kickback that always accompanies a stitch. In the end, Kirsten is very persuasive.

It happens again, though. She's walking through downtown LA, in the mind of their latest victim, and suddenly her legs are like cinderblocks. She can't catch her breath, and the scene in front of her begins to darken around the edges.

"Bounce, Kirsten! Now!" Cameron is yelling again. Raising her hands to punch in her pin code is like dragging them through molasses. She makes it. Her hand subconsciously goes to her stomach as she wakes up back in the lab. In the flurry of her thoughts, she hopes it's a girl. She imagines raising a daughter, one that won't grow up without parents. One that feels. One that loves her. Her own emotions surge, and she fights tears as she crawls down the steps to the lab floor. Ayo all but jumps on her, but there's something more important on Kirsten's mind. Her eyes fall on Cameron. He's going to be a father. She needs to tell him that. Whether or not he hates her, he needs to know. She isn't entirely aware of making her way towards him, but his eyes are like magnets, green and worried and the best thing she's ever seen. She loves those eyes. She wonders briefly if their child will need glasses. She doesn't care. She loves his glasses.

Her foot catches on the floor, and she's falling, but then he's there, arms around her. He's always been there, she realizes. Until she asked him not to be. He's staring down at her, and all she can see is green. Her heart flutters.

"I hope she has your eyes." She tells him. Then everything goes black.

She wakes up in a panic.

"The baby." She gasps. She hears a noise beside her, and tries to focus her eyes. She's in the medical bay at the lab, Ayo is writing something on her chart. "Ayo." She says. Her emotions have been heightened ever since she stitched into Cameron, but this is different. This is paralyzing.

"The baby is fine." Ayo says. "Your vitals were low enough for you to pass out, but not to do any real damage to the baby. You're both going to be fine." Her face changes, suddenly stern. "But you have to start taking better care of yourself. I'll be putting together a meal plan for you, and I expect you to follow it. If you don't, you're not getting back into that fish tank." Her tone leaves no room for argument.

Kirsten wouldn't have argued anyways. She's taken by an image of a pair of green eyes, Cameron's but smaller, tiny pink lips stretched wide. She aches a little, but at least part of that is happiness.

"Cameron." She says. She remembers exactly what she said before she fainted.

"He's outside." Ayo says. She cocks her head, studying Kirsten thoughtfully. "He's…confused to say the least." Kirsten swallows.

"Can you send him in?" She asks. Ayo nods, then disappears. Kirsten closes her eyes, not opening them when she hears the familiar sound of boots on linoleum.

"Kirsten?" He sounds a mess. She opens her eyes. His are wide and worried, his hair in disarray. He runs his hand through it when he's stressed, she remembers.

"Hi." She says. He sits down beside her bed. There are a million words between them and she doesn't even know where to start.

He waits for a while, but eventually grows impatient.

"Are you okay?" He finally asks. He really doesn't know, she can see it in his eyes.

"I am. I will be." She corrects. His brow furrows.

"What happened?"

That nagging feeling, the one that is certain she's about to ruin his life, surfaces again. She pushes it back.

"I'm pregnant." She says. Like ripping off a bandaid. His mouth opens, a blaring silence coming from it. His eyes are wide, and startled, and a little bit frightening in their roundness. She doesn't know how long to wait. She counts seconds on the clock, and then she clears her throat. "Cameron? I'm-"

"I heard you." He says, voice hoarse. He's still staring.

"I'm sorry." She says, because she doesn't know what else to say. He scrubs a hand across his face, making a kind of growling noise she can't identify. Eventually, he looks up.

"Are you sure?" He asks. She nods. "I mean like absolutely, completely-"

"Cameron." She cuts him off. "I'm sure. Ayo ran the test three times."

His eyes darken.

"How long have you known?"

"A couple days." She says, glad it's the truth. He stares at her some more. "I'm going to keep it." She tells him. She'd known that since the second she woke up from the stitch. And with the way she is, it's as if she's known that all along.

He pales.

"I didn't even think-are you sure you won't change your mind?" He asks. That hurts. She hadn't imagined he would want her to get rid of it. No matter how he feels about her, she just assumed he would want to be a part of the baby's life.

"I'm sure." She repeats. And because she needs to know-"do you not want me to?" Not that it will change her mind. Only break her heart.

"No!" He practically shouts, looking panicked. "I mean, no I don't want you to not keep it." He clarifies. A weight lifts from her chest. She sighs.

"Well, that's something." She murmurs. His eyes don't leave her face.

"I…" He hesitates. "I thought you were on the pill." It's not an accusation, she knows that.

"I wasn't." She says. This, for some reason, is going to be the hard part. "I didn't think I needed to be. I didn't think I could have kids. They told me I couldn't, when I was fourteen." She tracks his face, can practically see the cogs turning in his head.

"You never told me that." That _is_ an accusation. Her lips turn down. She really hurt him. That seems to be something she does over and over again.

"At first I didn't think it was the time. And then we went to Sarah's, and you said-"

"I said I couldn't wait." He realizes. "I said I wanted at least two and that I was jealous she beat me to it." Her eyes sting remembering that.

"I didn't want to be the person to take that away from you." She admits. "I just want you to be happy."

He snorts.

"I _was_ happy. Even if we had to adopt, even if we never had kids. You were everything I needed." He sounds pained. She wonders who that hurts more.

"I wouldn't have been." She says softly. "And even if you thought that, it wouldn't have been fair to you. You want what you want, Cameron."

"I want _you!_ " He shouts, and suddenly he's standing, towering over her, and he looks so angry she almost gasps. "That's all I ever wanted! And you don't get to make that decision for me, Kirsten!"

Her eyes water. She blames it on the hormones.

"I don't want to ruin your life."

She doesn't mean to say it. But it's all she can think about. She wants this, wants it in a visceral, burning kind of way. But she doesn't know what he wants. To be stuck raising a child with someone he wasn't even with? She's taken his perfect future away entirely by accident.

"What?" He stares at her.

"I want you to have the life you deserve." She sighs. "I want you to get married, and have little doctor goodkins and get everything you want."

He's looking at her like she's suddenly sprouted a third eye.

"Okay." He seems confused. "So what's the problem?"

It's her turn to be confused.

"How are you going to have all that when you have a baby you never wanted, with me?" She wonders briefly if she's missing something.

"Well." He sits back down. "I mean we've apparently already started on the little doctor goodkins." His face is soft now, almost unbearably so. He reaches out to place his hands on her stomach, and her breath catches in her throat. "And I think we can probably wait until after the baby is born to get married, I mean it's 2015."

She gapes at him.

"What?"

"The baby, you in a white dress." He ticks them off on his fingers. "I think that covers everything I want." He says. Her heart thuds in her chest because she wants that too, so badly she can almost taste it, but it's too easy. It's all too easy.

"You still want me?" If she's incredulous it's only because she's not the one who gets everything she wants. She never has been.

"I will never stop wanting you." From his lips, it's a fact. She shivers.

"Are you proposing?" She clarifies. He grins, so wide she wonders if his face will split in two.

"I certainly am." He gets down on one knee beside the bed, eyes sparkling. "Kirsten Clark, love of my life, mother of my child…" Her heart kicks in her chest at his words. "Will you marry me?" She has to fight tears, and she has a feeling her new emotions coupled with pregnancy hormones are going to raise hell for both of them. She smiles anyways.

"Yeah, okay."

He's up from the floor before she can blink, lips on hers in a kiss so familiar and so new that she almost cries all over again. When he finally pulls back she slides over to make room beside her, and he crawls onto the bed, pulling her in and laying a hand across her stomach. They stay like that, and she dozes in and out of sleep.

"Is this real?" He whispers into her ear, sometime in between dreams of green eyes and blonde hair. She hums a confirmation, and she can practically hear him smiling behind her.

"I love you." She breathes, and the words are loaded in a way only the two of them can really understand. This time, she stays.


End file.
